CAT(Woman)
Jessica Farr
What inspired me to start writing my piece was utter dissatisfaction. I was lying in bed one night and a story poured out of me. I had a need to narrate the silly desire for a woman to live vicariously through a character on television. I was thinking of the lack of connection between people instigated by the contrasting utopian glam of unrealistic fictional superheroes on television in comparison to the banality and disappointment of everyday life. I thought of paralysis and obsession. It also made me think about how pedestrian society tries to separate themselves from actors- denying themselves of the fact that we are all actors and never cease to choose to play a role in our social lives. This is how we get by, constructing an image of ourselves whether it is ‘true’ or not, it is still how we perceive who we are (or who we want to be). I wanted to tell the story of the search for the self in others and how through complete isolation, we find out the most about how we are lacking and not only what we want but what we truly need to survive. I wanted to tell the story of a woman who finds a character she struggles with in that she cannot fulfill her own concept of sexual independence without her alter ego. And I knew, since I had always been drawn to the camp and mystique of comic supervillains, that I would have to tell my story as Catwoman.
My process involved a lot of mental vomiting, purging over my macbook (which died on me in the process- without backing my files up) and reconstructing over and over again the story of this woman, Cynthia, who is also me in many ways, and how she completes her self image through abandoning her everyday persona and giving in to the wonder of a saucy villainess on television. I wanted to show her distancing herself from the world and becoming more dependent, more obsessive, until her need to live in surreality overcomes her and finally she comes to terms with the fact that she might've had a little bit more of Catwoman in her after all. I watched mostly Batman episodes from the 60s with Julie Newmar (who was my Catwoman of choice) besides some Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman research. I had decided on Julie as a main focus, though because she came out of a more sexually repressed adaptation of Catwoman and was limited in how she could express her desires. Also, her version is a lot more tart and less overtly sexualized than Michelle Pfeiffer’s who had too much freedom. Julie Newmar’s Catwoman had a romance with Batman that was unbalanced and patriarchal whereas Michelle Pfeiffer’s was a rogue sex kitten and almost killed Batman many times over (and was depicted as insane and not just out for revenge). I employed movement, costume, props, and sound in my piece. Experimenting with various methods of expression including dance, mime, food erotica, masks, ventriloquism and straight subconscious narration. I decided finally that I wanted the woman to break free of her obstructions and to find solace in her own independence, sexuality and self-worth. I wanted her to celebrate all aspects of herself even those she was ashamed of in order to grow and move on. I wanted this for myself as well. Finally, when I used a bowl of milk in my last exercise I realized that transformation could be achieved through endowing the simplest prop in its necessary function as woman and cat. I could start off as the sulking, food hording cat lady sipping milk, and move my way into the over-sensationalized hyper sexual choice of turning feline and drinking the milk with my tongue, lips, and eventually whole face and grooming myself with my tongue in public space. I knew this would be the final transformation with no turning back. And the shell will be lost. In the end I hope I shared with others the experience of self-transfiguration and acceptance of the most painful desires in order to connect outside of the tv screen to something real with passion and honesty.
My virtual mentor is Deb Margolin. Deb Margolin has written over 20 one woman shows and in 2000 won an Obie Award for Sustained Excellence in Performance. Her piece I Am Monica Lewinsky inspired me to do a piece about sexuality, identity, and living vicariously through a public character. She writes in a similar tone to what I wanted to achieve in that she doesn’t take herself too seriously and approaches heavy weighted issues with both poetic language and humor. She also engages society in a way that points to their most shameful desires and makes them seem all the more absurdly human for it. She also points out how the Lewinsky situation created a discrepancy politically between duty and fantasy- and that is something I wanted to address in means of gender- a woman is expected at times to behave a certain way and what happens when she doesn’t? Who is she then? And how do women function in means of their own sexualized demise. Do they box themselves in? Do they allow themselves to be objectified or do they choose to wilt when they feel unwanted? How deep can an unrequited obsession burn until the loss is too great to bear and who do we become when our ideal image of ourselves has been shattered. How do we break through what is keeping us from making a true connection to other people as well as ourselves.
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